Lighter side

I had this copy of interesting Chuck Norris facts....but

Through the miracle of Microsoft Word and the replace function...

Ta Da!

Gerald Wallace' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.


When Gerald Wallace has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women. 


Gerald Wallace once dunked on someone so hard that the ball broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Gerald Wallace lost his virginity before his dad did.  


Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Gerald Wallace instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew braids.


During a game against the San Antonio Spurs, Gerald Wallace brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by dribbling its head like a basketball. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Gerald Wallace dunked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Gerald giveth, and the good Gerald, he taketh away. 


Gerald Wallace sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled basketball skill. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Gerald beat the devil in a game of 1-on-1, and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month. 


Gerald Wallace only masturbates to pictures of Gerald Wallace.


If you ask Gerald Wallace what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he dunks on you.


Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Gerald Wallace can kill him and take it. 


Gerald Wallace doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. 


Gerald Wallace does not sleep. He waits. 


Gerald Wallace built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As


Oswald shot, Gerald blocked all three bullets with his braids, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.


There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Gerald Wallace. 


To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer, Gerald Wallace smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.


Gerald Wallace does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway. 


Gerald Wallace once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Gerald roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium. 


The chief export of Gerald Wallace is pain.


Gerald Wallace recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull. 


When Gerald Wallace sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to drive. Gerald Wallace has not had to pay taxes ever. 


When Gerald Wallace plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather blocking shots in their faces. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.


Gerald Wallace can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".


If you can see Gerald Wallace, he can see you. If you can't see Gerald Wallace you may be only seconds away from death. 


Gerald Wallace is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Gerald Wallace


After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Gerald Wallace. His reasoning? It was more "humane".

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