Your Charlotte Bobcats Trade Deadline Primer

Let's start this off with an absolute: there are no untouchables on this roster. There are players who I'll label as safer than others, but anyone on this roster is movable for the right price. OK, now let's begin.

Oh, and the stuff set off in boxes are things I like to imagine they might say.

Safe (Probably)

These two players are also the youngest on the team. Chock full of potential, the team probably feels pretty good about their futures in Charlotte and unless given a boon of a deal, they won't be moved any time soon.

Bismack Biyombo

Once stuck in the basement of the roster struggling to find playing time, Biyombo has since rocketed into the starting lineup. He's very much a project and is up-and-down, but his defense has been very good, especially for a rookie, and though his offense ain't pretty, it's further along than I expected at this point. Aside from that, he's a breath of fresh air. He has a great mindset: positive with an undying thirst for learning. Of all the Bobcats, you won't find one that looks like they're having more fun with his teammates. Maybe this doesn't seem particularly important. But I hear only maybe 10,000 more trade rumors concerning players that are Grumpy Guses. Having a great team attitude coupled with good talent is something you'd rather not lose.

I am Bismack Biyombo. It is a pleasure to meet you. My dad loves board games. He once told me, "Bismack, the day you have no fear in pulling any jenga block, it is the day you best death for eternity."

Kemba Walker

Right now only word can describe him: inconsistent. Walker has fantastic ability to create his own shot and find space but isn't knocking down the shots consistently. He's also not getting into the paint or getting to the free throw line as much as hoped. Some nights he's just amazing, crossing up opponents and making them look silly. Other nights, he looks silly. Still, he's shown pretty good potential to build further upon his existing skills. He's probably not going to be traded in the near future.

Hey, the name's Kemba Walker. In my spare time I like to film myself performing dance moves like the worm and sending them in to music video casting directors. No responses yet, but... [crosses fingers]

Gerald Henderson

I think he's got a pretty bright future in the league -- not 'star player' bright -- but a decent starter quality guy. He's built a reputation as a solid defender and his offense is passable. People will look at his stats this year and point to a lack of improvement, but being on a bad team will do that to a player who isn't a great shot-creator. Regardless, I've seen his offense develop as he started to drive and finish at the rim more, at least prior to his injury and his defense has been quality too. And the Bobcats exercised their team option on him a couple months ago, so it seems they don't want to be rid of him. Yet, he's pretty movable as one of the few Bobcats that aren't extremely terrible. And face it, if you can get a quality draft pick in this upcoming draft and decent young player in return, you have to think about it.

Yo, I'm Gerald Henderson. My favorite food is stale free low-fat sugar cookies from Harris Teeter

You're Young And Not Craptastic But We're Looking To Trade You

D.J. Augustin

Augustin has been whispered about in trade talks for a few years now. But if the Bobcats want to pull the trigger on shipping him out, it'll have to be soon. He's been inconsistent as well, especially as a shooter, barely edging Walker with 38 percent shooting. His passing is more solid and defense less so, but on a better team, it's not hard to see him excelling. If he doesn't get traded, it will not be for a lack of trying. Recent rumors are that Charlotte is talking with Portland, with Jamal Crawford as the returning player.

How are you? My name is D.J. Augustin. Sometimes people accidentally put an extra e my last name and I'm always all like brooooo, it's Augustin, not Eaugustin, double-you tee eff

Pot-Sweetener Fodder

Derrick Brown

Brown returned for the Bobcats this year and surprisingly has been pretty good for Charlotte off the bench. He had a decent stretch at the end of January and beginning of February, but has since quieted after available playing time decreased with Corey Maggette's return. He likes driving to the hoop and long walks on the beach and performing magic. If he is dealt, it would probably be in conjunction with one of the Bobcats' better players.

Hi, I am Derrick Brown. Sometimes I wonder if photographs really do capture part of your soul in them.

Byron Mullens

Mullens has surprised with his scoring ability, especially his in-rhythm jumper. He's good for pick and pop plays and has nice hands around the hoop on offense. As a solitary post defender, he's pretty awful. He's not strong enough to stop big men from pushing him under the basket and he's very not good on pick and roll defense. Same kinda deal for Mullens as I talked about with Brown if he were to be traded.

Hi, my name is Byron. Do you like my mustache? Pa says it'll grow out eventually but it's been 6 months and I don't think it's gotten any fuller. I still like to comb it anyway but it makes me sad.

D.J. White

Inconsistent playing time has plagued White's year with the Bobcats' crowded PF spot. He's fine on offense and has a nice midrange jumper, but won't wow you as much as you'd like in the post or on defense. I doubt he gets traded because he still has a good bit of potential I think he can follow up on, but it wouldn't be unimaginable to see him go.

Hi there buddy, I'm D.J. White. The Shop Boyz are my favorite musical group. If you want I can burn you a CD.

Reggie Williams

He's versatile on offense, equipped with great range and even passes pretty well. His defense leaves much to be desired, but as a 6th man, he's not half bad. On a little cold streak as of late. Of any players in this group, I think he's the least likely to go.

Hello there, my name is Reggie Williams. Occasionally I worry about how there must be diminishing available names for books and movies and stuff. Like at some point won't all the available names be taken and we just have to start renaming things with the same titles and everything will just get really confusing? ohgodohgodohgod [hyperventilates]

You're Not Wholly Awful But You're Kinda Old And We Don't Really Want Your Contract

Corey Maggette

I like Maggette. There, I said it. He's tougher than most on the team and I respect that. Sue me. He takes more shots than I'd like and he defense is underwhelming, but hey, it's better than Stephen Jackson or John Salmons right now, I'd say. His contract is more than he's worth and I'm fairly certain no one has gone out of their way to try to trade for him. If he gets traded, it's probably returning a worse contract or the Bobcats are giving up a good deal in their future.

Greetings, I'm Corey Maggette! Nice to meet you! Meet youuuu. YEEWWWWWW. Sometimes words sound weird if you think about them too much. That's why I try not to think much. Hahaha just kidding! That's part of a standup bit I'm working on. I like to go to open mic nights and perform comedy sometimes at random clubs.

Eduardo Najera

Najera's another one of those tough guys. He has solid fundamentals, but lacks the talent and athletic gifts, especially at his age, to be a quality rotation player. He's also got an expiring contract worth about $2.6 million, so he could be an addition to make a deal work on the money side.

Me llamo Eduardo Najera. If I weren't a professional basketball player, I would do jigsaw puzzles for a living.

If We Can Find A Chump To Take Your Salaries, You'll Want To Find A Realtor

Boris Diaw

Diaw's the only player I know that I can only call "consistently inconsistent" without having any qualms. Year in, year out Diaw is what we know him to be: most often an underperforming forward with the occasional game or two-game stretch of really good play. He has the tools to be a threat in multiple ways on offense, and is probably the most versatile player in Bobcats history. Yet he prefers to not assert himself as a scorer and slinks away from being the player he can be. And yes [sigh], he's also fat, OK? His $9 million expiring contract is most of his value, but there is skill that other teams could take advantage of if they can drag it out of him.

Bonjour, je m'appelle Boris Diaw. Can you imagine if lions don't all have leashes? What a chaotic world this would b-- THEY DON'T?

DeSagana Diop

Diop is just awful. Maybe he'd be better in a smaller role on a contending team that can swallow his contract without much though, but come on -- no one wants him. Anyone else counting down the days until his contract expires?

Howdy-doody, I am Gana Diop. Carl is my favorite character on The Walking Dead!

Matt Carroll

Carroll's contract isn't unimaginably untradeable like Diop, but he's been pretty sub-mediocre (read: bad) for the Bobcats this year.

What's up, chief? I'm Matt Carroll. My pet peeve is when during video games a character's talking to you and you're just jamming the a button to speed up the words and then it ends and it says press a to repeat this information but you're not paying attention cuz you're just mashing the a button so much SO YOU ACCIDENTALLY RESTART THE WHOLE CONVERSATION AND IT'S THE WORST THING AUGHHHHH

Tyrus Thomas

What a letdown. With incredible physical gifts, Thomas has become an albatross. He had the potential to be a defensive shot-blocking monster and a fierce rebounder but hasn't filled out the potential. Thomas lost weight, and thus the size to defend most power forwards and centers. I had thought highly of him but with his contract, I wouldn't blame the Bobcats if they amnestied him after this season. If a team wants to take a chance on him, the Bobcats are probably welcoming offers, though I doubt they're getting many.

Hi, I'm Tyrus Thomas. My favorite book inspired by the movie of the same title is Bucky Larson: Born To Be A Star.

You Are Cory Higgins

Cory Higgins

LOL

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