Haha.

Lee will have the recap... but in the mean time...

This is easily the best scoring stretch of Chris Paul's career, probably in terms of volume, and definitely in terms of efficiency.

He's made 54 shots on the season and missed just 30. 12 for 15 on threes. 150 points, good for a 30.0 ppg flat average. 75% true shooting! It's 5 games, but it's 5 of the best games we've ever seen in an already brilliant career.

/Pregame, teams warming up in shootaround

"Hey, psst. Bobby. Over here."

"Oh hi coach!! You see 30 Rock las-"

"Yo cool it. A little closer.. there you go. Got a special assignment for you."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. You know, we haven't been getting it done this season. New game plan tonight. Basically, it's all gonna come down to you. It's on you Bobby. You against the Celtics. You against the world."

"Me against the world."

"You against the world."

/Their eyes interlock. Time and space stand still.

"Hey, what's going on guys!"

"Oh... hi David! Um, nothing! Nothing! Why would anything be going on?"

"Just trying to be friendly.."

/Moves off to the side, practices scowl

"That was close. Off to the bench now Bobby, or the game will be up!"

/The Game begins.

/scores
/scores
/scores
/scores

"Bobby! We're in trouble! Get in there!"

/Bricks shot
/Airballs
/Hits top of backboard

/Hornets call timeout

"Yo coach, sup. What up, what's the deal here."
"Don't worry about it."

/Loses ball

"Boo ya"
/Clangs off back iron

"This what they came to see"

/Hoists 30 footer with 20 seconds on the shot clock

"Yo COACH"

/Bricks

"COACH!"

/Bad Pass

/Hornets lose

/attempts to follow Celtics into locker room to switch teams

"Me against the world."

Some games and dates to pay attention to.

Wednesday, October 28th
The Hornets open their season in San Antonio, in front of a national television audience on ESPN. This is also supposed to be the date of some World Series game (Game 1?). So plenty of stuff should be going on, with San Antonio debuting Richard Jefferson and the Hornets debuting Marcus Thornton.

Friday, October 30th
The Hornets' first game in NOLA takes place against a team we often opened the season against in the 2000's- Sacramento. Ike Diogu will be out for personal revenge against his long-time former squad, while the rest of the Hornets will be out to avenge the loss of Bobby Brown. Hornets fans will also get a look at lottery pick Tyreke Evans.

Sunday, November 1st
My birthday, and less importantly, the date of a Boston-New Orleans clash in Chowderland. We'll see if Boston still likes James Posey, a couple days after finding out if New Orleans still likes James Posey.

Monday, November 2nd
This game (NYK@NOR) isn't noteworthy in the slightest... except that it's listed as 7:30 AM Eastern. 99% sure that's a typo, but still, this would be amazing to watch.

Wednesday, November 4th
Dallas and Shawn Marion visit the Big Easy, on ESPN. It's a good thing Houston will miss Yao Ming and Memphis is run by a bunch of demented amoebas, because the Spurs and Mavs are loaded.

Sunday, November 8th
Hornets @ Lakers. Enough said.

Random note: No, I'm not going to list 90% of the schedule on here, it's just that the first two weeks are stuffed with great matchups.

Tuesday, December 1st
And, after a rather boring end to November, it's Hornets @ Lakers Part 2. We should have a decent sense by this date if the Lakers are indeed going to make a run at the 70 win plateau. My gut feeling is they will start off super hot (like last year), but this time, health and depth could sustain their run till the end. Anyways, now seems a good time to launch into a random diatribe on the 2009-2010 Lakers. I don't understand the Artest for Ariza swap. Artest is certainly the better player among the two. But NBA success cannot be created by a whole is the sum of the parts approach. Team construction is contingent on styles of play meshing together. Ariza's low usage rate allowed him to fit perfectly with Kobe and Pau Gasol's roles. Artest's average usage rate is about 10% higher than Ariza's, and I question whether his offensive game will fit. I will still be surprised if the Lakers don't repeat... I just feel like it would have been easier with Ariza. Anyways, yeah. December 1st, Hornets-Lakers.

Friday, December 18th
The Denver Nuggets return to New Orleans Arena for the first time since, well, you know what.

Monday, January 4th
Chris Paul plays against this one guy that everyone keeps comparing to him even though nobody really knows why any more they just keep doing it because it makes headlines and gives them stuff to write about so that they dont have to talk about the real issues like anabolic steroids in trans siberian motor assisted dog sledding

Saturday, February 6th
The Hornets visit the Bobcats as Emeka Okafor makes his first return to Charlotte. Cats fans, having witnessed three full months of Tyson Chandler hook shots, will yearn for the man they once called Mr. Roboto.

Wednesday, February 17th
Utah visits New Orleans, but more importantly, as the day before the trade deadline, this may be your final chance to see Antonio Daniels/Rasual Butler/Devin Brown. Get your tickets while they last!

Wednesday, April 7th
Tyson Chandler returns to New Orleans. For reals this time, get your tickets while they last.

I know I missed a ton of games, but whatever.  I'm sure David Stern will bribe the Grizzlies to trade Marc Gasol to the Lakers for DJ Mbenga at some point, but these are the ones that interest me for now. Only three more months, people!

NEW ORLEANS- In a surprise move, the New Orleans Hornets announced Monday night that they will be moving to Europe for the 2009-2010 season.

"We had to think about it long and hard," said team majority owner George Shinn at an emotional press conference. "But we've seen the success stories. Brandon Jennings, Josh Childress, and our very own Jannero Pargo have thrived in that environment. With the value of the dollar plummeting, there's no time like now."

The favored destinations would appear to be Barcelona, Moscow, and Stockholm, although the Bosnian city of Medugorje- whose lax tax policies and frequent religious apparations appeal to Shinn- is a darkhorse candidate.

Despite Shinn's upbeat tone, GM Jeff Bower struck a more despondent chord.  "We definitely feel like we let the league down tonight. With all the goodwill that the United States has built internationally, especially in the last decade, especially in the Middle East, we definitely feel like we let the whole country down tonight. Nobody can take this great nation seriously any more, and for that we must atone."

The decision was made official during the second quarter of the Hornets' basketball game against the Denver Nuggets, with paperwork filed and approved at halftime. League personnel spent much of the second half explaining to Nuggets players that they were no longer engaging in an athletic exhibition with an organization recognized by the United States of America, but to no avail. While the NBA has not released an official statement, league insiders say that all basketballs used in the contest will be branded with asterisks and launched into space for this reason.

Some at the forefront of the industry have speculated that heavy pressure from League Commissioner David Stern may have expedited the process. One source, speaking on the condition of anonymity, revealed that Stern has been urging the Hornet front office to move star point guard Chris Paul to the Los Angeles Lakers for at least the last two seasons. "Backed by the commissioner, the Lakers attempted to move Kwame Brown to New Orleans for Paul, only to be rebuffed," explained the source, adding that the Lakers were forced to settle for Grizzlies forward Pau Gasol.

Chris Paul himself was noncommittal and evasive when approached about the move, opting to slam his head into a brick wall multiple times. Power forward David West characterized it as "abhorrent, yet possessive of a peculiar brilliance." For reasons still unclear, no fans could be reached for comment before publish time.

The Hornets' move is sure to radically shift an ever-changing international basketball landscape. Many have been concerned with the apparent interest of international squads in superstars LeBron James, Kobe Bryant, and Dwyane Wade. In much the same way that Josh Childress' departure paved the way for the literally tens of players that proceeded to make the jump, the Hornets' departure stands as a beacon of hope for other franchises that are either struggling in the current financial landscape or are susceptible to humiliating beatdowns by teams coached by George Karl. Additionally, the lack of a salary cap could transform the universally panned signing of James Posey into a transaction of Da Vinci-esque acuity.

In a related story and in a truly strange twist of fate, Jannero Pargo agreed to return to New Orleans for a 4 year, 36 million dollar deal, mere moments before the Hornets' announcement.

To the casual observer, this was just a basketball game. A basketball game that saw 5 points scored in the last 2 seconds sure, but still, just a basketball game. To the more nuanced eye, however, it was so much more. It was the simultaneous closing of a chapter and continuation of an Epic.

Think this shot was huge? It was actually full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

For the exploits of a single game pale in comparison to the rivalry itself. Would one compare the tale of David and Goliath to the Old Testament itself? Or the tale of the Cyclops to the Odyssey? Verily no, for they are but minute facets of far more grandiose works. To talk about Rasual Butler or David West or other such insignificant creatures is to miss the forest for the trees. What good is a recap of a single game when a recap of an era is called for? It is only fitting that we recount the vicissitudes of this never ending saga-- the famed tale of the Hornets and the Kings-- on this holiday among holidays.

Continue reading this post »

I'm sure many of you have heard by now that Bonzi Wells has taken his talents to China this year for the princely sum of 80,000 dollars. This is a guy that turned down a 36 million dollar contract 3 years ago. THIRTY SIX MILLION DOLLARS. And slowly but surely, this is turning just as funny as you might imagine. A look at Bonzi's exploits thus far:

December 12th: Bonzi Wells lands in China

• Joins Shanxi Zhongyu, which finished last in an 18 team league last season.
  
• At the time of his arrival, they're 7-5, good for 9th in the league.
  
• AFP Beijing's headline: "Former NBA Bad Boy Lands in China"
• Says Bonzi Wells: "I am not a bad boy."
• Team manager Zhang Beihai denies the $80,000 contract, saying "Wells' salary is around half that amount."
• Hahahahahahahaha

December 21st: Bonzi Debuts

• The China Post: "Former NBA bad boy Bonzi Wells scored 48 points and snared 11 rebounds in his Chinese league debut, helping the Shanxi Zhongyu to a 107-106 win over Tianjin. "
• Asia Basket: "His Majesty poured in 48 points and made 7 steals." Yeah, that's right. His Majesty.
  
• Wells goes 7-7 on two pointers, en route to his 48 points.
  
• "In the NBA, I was never able to play so freely," says Wells post-game, after attempting 15 three pointers and making just 5.

Continue reading this post »

11:00 p.m. CST

: Jeffy! Buddy!

: Hi Donald.

: Hey buddy lissten, got this guy here, great kid, great point guard by the name Marcus Williams, great kid.

: Go on. You want to trade him here? How come Chris Mullin hasn't called?

: Well, yeah he will, should. You know, been thinking, my roster, here in the Golden State, I was sleeping last night and I woke up suddenly, and you know, I realized, I have no swingmen! Terrible feeling to have, the one in the pit of the stomach kind of thing.

: /listens incredulously

: My spies tell me you could solve what ails me, cure what ailss me, administer the potion.

: You want Butler?

: Butler! Razwall! You know, ever ssince I lost that kid Michael Peters, this team has been in the pits, the absolute pits, I even called the Magic and then... they, they, ssaid, no

: /starts to cry

: ...

: Do you want to meet some time?

: Yes! I'll be there in 5 minutes!

: Wait... how? Where are you?

: Bourbon Sstreet

: /collapses with a thud

: Should've guessed.

*** 5 hours later

: Ey yo JB dis Steph aka the Stephinator aka the Starberry aka Marbleman straight out Brooklyn aka Brooknam aka Black Disneyland finally done with the moustache man you feeling me You in the business for a PG now I ain't no GP but I'll back up CP you feeling me been averagin 20 mil a year but yo let me cut a deal for ya JB how's about 19 sound You know my man Isiah right yeah for real you do He always tell me you're true to the game, the game gonna be true to you you feeling me So whenever you know the truth the truth lies on top all the time you feeling me So you feel bad that these bad things happening but at the same time in the back of his mind he knows what's right you feeling me For real though I'ma drop those triples like my man Ray Ray you feeling me drop some dimes on my brah brahs I know you big on those dimes so I'ma keep it real When I get to the NOLA I'm def gonna get it popping with the long range flame thrower Stojakovic you feeling me Give you the straight cash homes you feeling me holla atcha boy Nuh nuh nuh gone.

: /Slams head against brick wall