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Please, Mr. Howard... Be Gentle

There are three keys to stopping the Orlando Magic: Attack attack attack on offense. Harass Hedo Turkoglu into making poor decisions. And hope that Dwight Howard has an off night.

To match up with the Magic, the Bobcats can play a small offense-first lineup, with Emeka on Big Bad Dwight, Wallace on Turkoglu, Felton and Augustin on Jameer Nelson, and Dudley and Morrison picking between Lewis and Pietrus. If Matt Carroll's in the game, he'll have to stick to Pietrus.

But enough about stuff that Larry Brown will decide and about which he doesn't give a damn my opinion. I'll just whine and bitch about it to the people in my row. Let's talk about the main reason everyone will be at the game tonight.

Dwight Howard:

Has the most amazing shoulders.

Can dunk on a twelve foot basket.

Will break somebody's wrists on the rim someday.

Could average 30 and 15 if he ever developed an elbow jumper.

Might be the second player taken in a pickup game if every NBA player was available, after LeBron.

Is begging for a point guard who can feed him alley oops at will.