CHARLOTTE -- Charlotte Bobcats coach Larry Brown called a press conference today and urged local professional basketball fans not to run any executable programs they may find on their hard drives in a hidden folder titled, "CHA".
"Due to a manufacturing mixup, some computers purchased in the Carolinas over the past two years may have these programs already installed on the hard drives," Brown said. "Please do not run any of them. They were only meant to be installed on a few machines for Bobcats' internal use, and running them from the outside could be catastrophic for the franchise."
Rufus on Fire has learned from senior sources inside the NBA, who requested anonymity due to the sensitive nature of this story, that each NBA team has such a set of executable programs at its disposal. However, those sources refused to confirm what some are saying is a massive coverup that the NBA is a real-life Matrix, governed by a series of Architects running ever more complex programs of their own design.
There is evidence to suggest that fantastic possibility. Rufus on Fire has also obtained several emails sent from Larry Brown to team general manager Rod Higgins. While not explicitly confirming such a structure is in place, Brown's emails do hint that a computer program might be engineered to get the Bobcats to run a more transition-oriented offense.
In one email, Brown writes (everything, sic): "U got th showtime.exe? Guys want 2 run it bad. Can we have it just 2 show? Sent from my iPhone"
To which Higgins replied: "Thank you for your inquiry. The showtime.exe program is still undergoing analysis and is not yet approved for use in our network. Once it is approved, an administrator will come down to the court to make sure you have installed it correctly. If you have any further questions, please email support at [redacted]."
No one from the Bobcats organization would comment on this story.
(And if you've made it this far... yes, this is not an actual news story. Here's to the Bobcats running pl4yoffs.exe next April.)