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Rumor: Chris Wallace and Allen Iverson Were at 31 Flavors

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We're in the heart of the NBA offseason doldrums. Two months until the season starts? Really?

Remember those halcyon days when an Allen Iverson signing was imminent? That was awesome. I'm a little afraid to bring up the subject of AI again with the Official Roommate of Rufus on Fire, because he warned me right away that it was all probably just a ruse to get a better contender--like Miami--to make an offer, any offer, and the Official Roommate relishes being right almost as much as he relishes using Yi Jianlian to posterize hapless 2K9 opponents. I don't want to give him the satisfaction.

Now? AI's screening our calls and has defriended us on Facebook, apparently. And my best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with the girl who saw Chris Wallace macking on Allen at 31 Flavors this week. I guess it's pretty serious.

Obvious question: What? If it's between the Bobcats and the Grizzlies, no offense to the good people of Memphis, but our franchise's historic dysfunction doesn't have anything on their franchise's present-day dysfunction. Did I mention that he'd have to be a bench player there? Or, if they don't believe in Mike Conley, the point guard? In Charlotte, he'd be the starting off guard, where he belongs. Bah.

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In lieu of hoops news, consider this the Open Book Thread. What are you reading? I'm about 80 pages in to Infinite Jest. Already, it's a doozy, and I've only got 1,000 pages to go (including footnotes).