To recap, as I'm sure everyone already knows, it's been a tough season to be a Hornets fan. Kemba Walker never established a level of play better than his previous seasons, highly-touted acquisition Nicolas Batum never developed any chemistry with the rest of the team, the backup duo of Jeremy Lin and Jeremy Lamb didn't prove themselves as anything better than average benchwarmers, and Cody Zeller showed that last season's strong play was a total fluke, furthering his status as a bust, especially among the incredibly strong 2013 draft class. To make matters worse, Rich Cho (who was already known for making terrible trades) swapped out P.J. Hairston (who started over half the season) for Courtney Lee, another unmitigated disaster for the erstwhile Hornets general manager. As a result, the Hornets have really struggled this season, especially after the All-Star break, where they've had trouble piecing wins together.
On the other hand, you have the Philadelphia 76ers, who have been running through the Eastern Conference all season. Jahlil Okafor and Nerlens Noel have looked very capable next to each other, silencing all the doubters, and Joel Embiid, whose foot and back injuries at a young age have proven to be outliers, has only strengthened the frontcourt rotation. Also, Dario Saric is playing in the NBA. The whole team is remarkably healthy and nobody has found more diamond in the rough players out of marginal draft prospects and obsolete role players than the 76ers, leading them to all their success this season. Credit to Sam Hinkie; The Process has clearly worked.
The 76ers beat teams through their swarming defense, led by totally-not-at-all-a-bad-player-putting-up-numbers-on-a-terrible-team Robert Covington and
Nerlens Noel, Jerami Grant, Richaun Holmes, Elton Brand. Their offense is even more prolific, as the team scores 97 points per game. Ninety seven! I bet you couldn't do that.
The Hornets will have very little to counter with, and they might as well just cut their losses and forfeit the contest. The 76ers offense is far too dangerous for the Hornets' feeble defensive play to contend with, and it will end up in a doomsday scenario for all involved.
Steve Clifford's offense is far too conservative to take risks, and their methodical playing style of every player simply taking fifteen-foot jumpers at the end of the shot clock will surely lead them to doom, prompting beleaguered passersby to cry out in the streets. "You need to take advantage of the three-point shot on the fast break. Wherefore hast thou deserted the blitzkrieg, Cliff, wherefore?" they will ask, but yet again, the needs of the proletariat will fall silent upon the ears of the malevolent dictator.
How any Hornets fanatic could be sufficiently masochistic to endure the full two and a half hours of tonight's basket ball match is a question best answered by a higher power. The suffering will be excruciating, and it will not cede slowly. My personal advice would be to avoid watching this game at all costs, unless you so desire to observe the basketball equivalent of the unstoppable force vs. the very movable object.
My prediction is that the Seventy Sixers will win by at least thirty basketball points.
Happy April Fools Day, everyone.