The fan vote has been lost. Kemba Walker sadly has been snubbed by millions for a multitude of reasons ranging from the luxury of playing with LeBron James to being in a giant market, or having an entire country on their side. Walker just isn’t going to make up the ground necessary to make the media and player vote side of things matter for him.
He’s not going to start in the All-Star game. That is why it’s time to shift tactics. If appealing to the fans is a lost cause then we must appeal to the next best option. Coaches. Please coaches, vote for Kemba Walker. To try and gain your vote I will now say one nice thing about every single coach in the NBA.
There are 30 coaches in the NBA. Being an NBA head coach is quite an achievement and one to be proud of considering the massive turnover that exists in that line of business. All are at the very top of their profession and got their through hard work, dedication, and an unrivaled intelligence.
Atlanta Hawks head coach: Mike Budenholzer
The last couple years has been the best and most entertaining brand of Atlanta basketball in recent memory. Proud of you. Please vote for Kemba Walker.
Boston Celtics head coach: Brad Stevens
You are the best thing the Celtics have going for them and don’t let anybody tell you otherwise. #BecauseBradStevens Please vote for Kemba Walker.
Brooklyn Nets head coach: Kenny Atkinson
You made the Nets watchable. How the hell did you do that? Please vote for Kemba Walker.
Charlotte Hornets head coach: Steve Clifford
Hi Cliff, remember that time I awkwardly smiled at you at summer league and forgot to look away? Since you can’t vote for Kemba Walker can you just forget about that instead? I’d appreciate it.
Chicago Bulls head coach: Fred Hoiberg
This is the most watchable the Bulls have been in years. Thanks for that. Please vote for Kemba Walker. It’s not like you can vote for Dwyane Wade.
Cleveland Cavaliers head coach: Tyronn Lue
That way you sneakily got the head coaching job by “holding LeBron accountable” was really impressive. Also, you’re a pretty good head coach at that. Please vote for Kemba Walker.
Dallas Mavericks head coach: Rick Carlisle
You’re still coaching? Holy crap how? Most guys don’t even last like...four years. Also I’m fairly sure you’re a warlock. Please vote for Kemba Walker.
Denver Nuggets head coach: Michael Malone
You got screwed in Sacramento. Looks like you’re about to get screwed in Denver. I still believe in you. Please vote for Kemba Walker.
Detroit Pistons head coach: Stan Van Gundy
You built a fucking wall, dropped the hottest mixtape of 2015, and coached my favorite team ever in 2009. Please vote for Kemba Walker.
Golden State Warriors head coach: Steve Kerr
You unchained the Warriors which in one way was good, but in another might destroy the world some day. You must live with those consequences. Please vote for Kemba Walker.
Houston Rockets head coach: Mike D’Antoni
You got screwed in Los Angeles and New York, but the James Harden show has been a treat this year. All I ask is that you grow your mustache back out. Please? Also, vote for Kemba Walker.
Indiana Pacers head coach: Nate McMillan
The Pacers keep making their roster worse and you agreed to take that job anyways. Ballsy! Please vote for Kemba Walker.
Los Angeles Clippers head coach: Doc Rivers
You brought Tracy McGrady into my life and for that I thank you. Do you want a cough drop or something? Please vote for Kemba Walker.
Los Angeles Lakers head coach: Luke Walton
You should be coaching the Warriors right now. You know it. They know it. Kerr knows it. Please vote for Kemba Walker.
Memphis Grizzlies head coach: David Fizdale
You’re part of the Erik Spoelstra coaching tree which makes me automatically assume you’re going to be an awesome coach. Please vote for Kemba Walker.
Miami Heat head coach: Erik Spoelstra
A ton of Heat fans want you fired, but you’re still the most handsome coach in the NBA. Please vote for Kemba Walker to spite Wade.
Milwaukee Bucks head coach: Jason Kidd
You made the power move of going from Brooklyn to Milwaukee. You are the first person to ever make that power move. Please vote for Kemba Walker.
Minnesota Timberwolves head coach: Tom Thibodeau
You have the loudest voice of any coach in the NBA. ICE. ICE. ICE. VOTE FOR KEMBA WALKER PLEASE.
New Orleans Pelicans head coach: Alvin Gentry
Yeah, with that front office you took potentially the worst job in the NBA. Sorry about that. Rootin for ya. Please vote for Kemba Walker.
New York Knicks head coach: Jeff Hornacek
Well I got good news and bad news for ya. The good news is they gave ya the 2011 Bulls roster. The bad news is that it’s 2017. Please vote for Kemba Walker.
Oklahoma City Thunder head coach: Billy Donovan
Well now that you’re not the Gators head coach I don’t hate you anymore. So that’s a plus. Please vote for Kemba Walker.
Orlando Magic head coach: Frank Vogel
You’re the best coach the Magic have had since Stan Van Gundy. That’s a low bar to clear but you cleared it none the less! Sorry your roster stinks. Please vote for Kemba Walker.
Philadelphia 76ers head coach: Brett Brown
Jesus Christ they still haven’t freed you from there? Don’t worry Brett either they’ll finally let you leave or you’ll go numb from all the losses first. Win-win really. Please vote for Kemba Walker.
Phoenix Suns head coach: Earl Watson
I’m sure you were happy they kept you after last season, because you’re now one of the only 30 people that can call themselves an NBA head coach, but that roster....Please vote for Kemba Walker.
Portland TrailBlazers head coach: Terry Stotts
You made everybody think the Blazers are a much better team than they are. Impressive. Please vote for Kemba Walker.
Sacramento Kings head coach: Dave Joerger
Holy crap you took the Kings job??? Man, I respect that but I’m gonna miss you when that organization sends you running out screaming with your hair on fire. Please vote for Kemba Walker.
San Antonio Spurs head coach: Gregg Popovich
You’re the best coach in NBA history. Please vote for Kemba Walker. Actually, who am I kidding you’ve never voted for one of these things in your life. Whatever intern Pop gave this document to. Please vote for Kemba Walker.
Toronto Raptors head coach: Dwane Casey
Remember all those times Kemba hit a gamewinner on your squad? Please vote for Kemba Walker.
Utah Jazz head coach: Quin Snyder
You have struck the fear of Snyder into every single one of your players and that is impressive. Please vote for Kemba Walker.
Washington Wizards head coach: Scott Brooks
You turned Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook into what they are today and don’t let anybody tell you otherwise. Please vote for Kemba Walker.
There you have it. A nice thing said about every single head coach in the NBA. Now all of them have to vote for Kemba Walker. I asked nicely after all.