May the Odds be Ever in Your Favor

On Tuesday, May 16th, there will be a brief respite from the interminable doldrums of the Charlotte Hornet’s offseason as the 2017 NBA Draft Lottery takes place. Charlotte finished the regular season with the eleventh worst record in the league at 36-46, and barring a welcome blessing from the lottery gods, they will almost certainly land there, with the 11th selection in this years draft.

That’s not the worst thing in the world. In recent memory there have been an encouraging number of “franchise” level players selected in the late lottery and beyond. Giannis Antetokounmpo went 15th overall in 2013, Paul George went 10th in 2010, and the absolutely bonkers 2011 draft gave us four of arguably the 10 best players in the NBA selected late with Klay Thompson (11th), Kawhi Leonard (15th), Jimmy Butler (30th), and Isaiah Thomas (60th).

This year’s draft class has been thoroughly touted as one of the most talent-rich in recent memory. Obviously, projecting how the careers of players in any draft will turn out ultimately boils down to guesswork. Lebron James and Anthony Davis “surefire superstar” types come along once in a generation, but beyond undeniable, forces-of-nature of that caliber, any number of outside factors can enhance or derail any given player's fate.

To that point, the consensus amongst analysts, experts, and pundits concerning this year's crop of talent seems to be that there are at least ten players with star/superstar/franchise-player potential available, and very little separation between them. One team may have a particular player 10th on their board, while another could have him second.

Markelle Fultz is in his own tier with many agreeing he is the best overall talent. Lonzo Ball is in his own tier of ridiculous, stage-dad generated hype, and Jonathan Isaac is in his own tier of dudes who very much remind me of 80’s fashion icon and former bond villain Grace Jones. But beyond that, it's really anyone's guess. All we know for sure is that anyone drafting in the top 10 has to feel pretty good.

Which brings us to the Hornets, who have a 91% of being the first team to make a selection outside of the top 10.

Because I’m apparently a stupid masochist, I decided to take a glimpse at our inevitable fate by giving the old ESPN NBA Lottery Machine a spin. What I found shook me to my core...

***Warning*** the following contains imagery that may not be suitable for the perpetually bored Hornets fan. Ask your doctor if your heart is healthy enough for another disappointing draft selection before viewing.

The Hornets will be selecting this guy:

Who the F*#% is Zach Collins? Doesn't matter. Take a look at this guy. It is like he was created in a lab specifically for the Hornets to draft. We are the goofy seven-foot white guy team. This is going to happen. Search your feelings, you know it is true. Zach Collins will be a Hornet, nothing can change that.

I spun the lottery wheel again. Zach Collins. Third time? Zach-attack. Fourth time? World War Z.

Are you getting the picture? You can play the Lottery Machine a billion times, and you will always end up with the Hornets selecting Zach Collins — the mean older brother in every movie about a wimpy kid who gets bullied.

Fifth spin, Zach Collins. Sixth spin, Markelle Fultz. You see, every time—wait what???? HOLY GUAC!!!!

Sixth try!!! I’m embarrassed by how happy this made me.

I’m a little scared of how I may react if this somehow happens in real life.